


Parallel

by Zethsaire



Series: Genderqueer [1]
Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Clint Feels, Deaf Character, Deaf Clint Barton, Domestic, Domestic Avengers, Gen, Gender Issues, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderqueer Character, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 10:16:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4825133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zethsaire/pseuds/Zethsaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I was lucky enough to be able to do a pinch hit fill for hoosierbitch, who is wonderful and set up this whole exchange!</p><p>I hope you like it!!</p><p>Warnings: There is one use of the 'f' word as a slur (the six letter one not the 4 letter one...yeah, you know what I mean.)  But it's not directed at any character, it's something Clint is remembering and it's painful but it's a contrast to how things are now better, so hopefully, hopefully that doesn't trigger anyone but if it does please read with care!</p>
    </blockquote>





	Parallel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hoosierbitch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoosierbitch/gifts).



> I was lucky enough to be able to do a pinch hit fill for hoosierbitch, who is wonderful and set up this whole exchange!
> 
> I hope you like it!!
> 
> Warnings: There is one use of the 'f' word as a slur (the six letter one not the 4 letter one...yeah, you know what I mean.) But it's not directed at any character, it's something Clint is remembering and it's painful but it's a contrast to how things are now better, so hopefully, hopefully that doesn't trigger anyone but if it does please read with care!

Clint really hadn't really intended on being one of those people who only comes out after someone they know has done it. Really, he didn't. It was just – seeing Barnes actually _smile_ after months and months of the burned out dead eyed look Clint knew all too well made something change in him. Shook something loose that he'd been buried so deep within that he hadn't even known it any more.

Part of it was undoubtedly Steve's ridiculously supportive atmosphere. Clint had known some decent people in his time, but Steve was possibly the most supportive person ever. Steve's positive attitude was as far as someone could get from cries of 'faggot' as a teenager and cruel gay jokes told during hours of surveillance as an agent.

Seeing how supportive the entire team was, how everyone worked hard to use Barnes' preferred pronouns, how Nat, Steve, Darcy and even Thor went shopping with Barnes for clothes, make up, and accessories for all their various presentations. It made Clint ache inside, not in an entirely bad way, but it was painful in a way that Barnes didn't deserve to be around, so he distanced himself.

It wasn't really that hard, Clint always preferred to look at things from a distance. He preferred to watch, instead of listen, a trait that had only become more pronounced since he'd lost his hearing. His hearing aids helped, of course, but most of the time it was just easier to distance himself. Avoid his problems. He was good at that.

Barnes ended up coming to him. Clint was up on top of the refrigerator, which never failed to drive Tony insane, watching the group eat breakfast together while he nursed some coffee and just observed. Barnes climbed up beside him, and Clint glanced over at Barnes' right wrist – gray titanium today, so 'they' pronouns.

“Hey Bucky,” he greeted.

'Hello.' Barnes signed, to Clint's shock.

'You sign?'

'I've been practicing.'

Clint smiled.

“I still need a lot of practice though,” Barnes said, switching to signing while he spoke, with a few gaps in his signs where he didn't know the right ones.

“You up here for the view?” he asked, signing as he spoke as well, turning from the view of the group to watch Barnes' hands and lips better.

Barnes smile faltered.

“Do you...have a problem with me?”

“Not at all.”

“Okay. It just seemed like...ever since I came out, well, you don't really talk to me any more. Or anyone, really. You just kind of,” Barnes indicated Clint's spot on the fridge.

Clint sighed. “This is gonna sound kind of lame, but it's not you, it's me.”

“Okay...”

“I know you grew up in the forties so I guess I don't really have any room to stand on but. Well, I didn't have the most supportive childhood in the world, or adulthood, really. So I just sort of pushed down everything that made me stand out, everything that was different or wrong about me.”

“That sucks.”

“I guess it's stupid to realize now; I'm almost forty. But – I think I might be trans too. I haven't even thought about it in years, but just seeing you and how happy it makes you, and how supportive everyone is, it just uncovered all that I guess. And it's stupid, but it hurts. So I just -”

“Removed yourself from the situation?”

“Yeah.”

Barnes seemed to relax at that. “I get that. Really. If it weren't for Steve I might not have come out at all. He's just so easy to talk to, you know? He doesn't judge, ever, about anything.”

“And he and Sam are adorable.”

“Yeah. I'm glad he found someone who doesn't mind him, you know, being asexual. He got a lot of shit about it when we were younger, even if we didn't exactly have a word for it. Well. No nice ones, anyways.”

“So...do you want to talk about it? I didn't, really, but Steve sort of dragged it out of me. You know how he is. And I'm not really Steve but I could – I mean if you want to talk.”

Clint wasn't sure he was ready to talk about anything just yet, but the fact that Bucky offered meant a lot to him. “I'll think about it. And sorry you thought I – it wasn't my intention to hurt you.”

Bucky smiled. “I get it. You want to come down and have breakfast with us now?”

“I could do that.”

xxx

When Clint decided to come out of the closet, ze came  _all_ the way out. Ze didn't think ze'd done this much talking in zir  _life_ . Ze talked to Bucky about pronouns, ze talked to Steve about presentation and Steve's honest, artistic outlook on the human body. Ze talked to Natalia, who'd smiled and congratulated zem on finally figuring it out. Because of course she'd already known. Tony asked zem for a sticky note with zir pronouns on it, admitting that he'd probably screw up a lot but JARVIS would help him practice. Bruce gave zem a hug – a  _hug_ – and offered his meditation room as a safe space in case ze ever needed to get away from it all. Thor clapped zem on the back and proceeded to tell zem all about the different kind of interpretations of gender that the Aesir had for millennia, which honestly made Clint feel more like this wasn't a phase or something.

Clint had known long ago that ze was attracted to men and women, but ze was now in a sufficiently safe space to admit to zemself that ze also was attracted to people like Barnes, who had more than one gender, or to transgender individuals, or non-binary ones, like zemself. Ze decided to go with the umbrella term 'pansexual,' instead of bisexual, because he felt it would help distance himself from some of the misconceptions that bisexual individuals only preferred cisgender partners. (Clint had sat through enough talks with both Sam and Bucky to know this wasn't true, but ze figured that if ze was going to do something, ze might as well go all out. Besides, if someone couldn't handle zem being pansexual, it was probably best not to even bother have the pronoun talk.)

Bucky was swiftly becoming zir best friend. It was great being around the rest of the Avengers and having a loving, supportive family (which had always seemed more like a fairy-tale to Clint), but it was also nice to be able to be around someone who really  _got_ zem. No matter how supportive the others were, no one really understood zem like Bucky did. And it was good – good for zem and good for Bucky, who was still struggling with recovery even though they were doing so much better than they had been when they'd first come to Avengers tower.

They helped each other. Clint helped Bucky learn to socialize and accept touch, how to more accurately assess threat so that they didn't lose their soldier's awareness but also didn't accidentally shoot any civilians. Bucky helped Clint smile more – really, that grin was infectious. They practiced their sign as well, and it was a great comfort to Clint to not have to speak to be understood, to have someone just want to talk to zem how ze wanted to be spoken to. Plus, it was helpful on Bucky's non-verbal days, though they didn't have too many of those any more.

Clint had never been described as a 'cheerful' person. Ze'd strived for acceptable, mediocre, okay. That was safe, achievable. But now? Ze could honestly say ze was more than content. Maybe even...happy.

And that was okay. It was better than okay. It was wonderful.

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically a continuation/tie in to my other fic, Yield, but without the Clint/Bucky relationship because hoosier asked for a gen fic. :3 I just really, really like queer characters, and non-binary Bucky is my fave.


End file.
